Hitler, Where Art Thou?
by jamielovesyou
Summary: CARTMANKYLE NONSLASH. Slight friendship moment and kinky moment between the two at the end. Plot: Cartman gets a kick out of the school's Holocaust project and sees it as an opening opportunity to torture Kyle. Meanwhile, Hitler visits South Park. ONESHOT


Hey guys! Jamie here, and ZOMG NEW EPISODE OF SOUTH PARK ON TONIGHT! WOOOO! I'm cerial about this shit! Anyways, I hope you all have a great, albeit safe, Halloween!

Now, continuing on, I would like to apologize for being absent from Life has gotten in the way and I lost track of time. Hey, don't blame me, I'm still in school, you know. Um, I also would like to say I'm sorry for discontinuing my other story. I didn't like the way it turned out and to be honest, I have a way better idea for my next one, so don't you worry. )

Well, I hope you like this, this is the second time I put it in my document mode so it can actually make sense since the other version was all aqhjahdjhdjhjdshj and stuff. ENJOY! ily all!

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_**Hitler, Where Art Thou?**_

_When Mrs. Garisson assigned her classroom to do a project based on the Holocaust, Cartman pushes Kyle's hot buttons about his Jewish faith, leading Sheila to seperate the two._

_Liane Cartman thought this was absurd, and starts to fight with Kyle's mother. After an excited Kyle calls Stan about the great news, Stan brings reality up and tells him that without Cartman, the project will cease to be done and pass. Meanwhile, something mysterious happens in South Park when the walking zombie known as Adolf Hitler comes to life, only to be mistaken for being Donald Trump by the towns people. This causes a stir in the US military group, and they blamed the Playboy Mansion girls for having a controlling devices up their vaginas to control Hitler and the nazis. Hitler brings his nazi soldiers to life, and causes destruction in town, and it is up to Kyle and Cartman to stop them, despite their mother's trying to seperate the two._

-Opening theme song starts-

I'm goin' down to South Park

gonna have myself a time

(Stan+Kyle) Friendly faces everywhere

humble folks without temptation

Goin' down to South Park

gonna leave my woes behind

(Cartman) Ample parking day or night

people spouting 'howdy neighbor!!!'

Going down to South Park

gonna see if I can't unwind

(Kenny) I like girls with big vaginas

I like girls with big, fat titties

So come on down to South Park, yeah

and meet some friends of mine!

-Opening theme song ends-

-Scenes fades infront of the South Park Elementary school-

-Scene cuts to classroom with all the kids staring into the camera as Mrs. Garrison speaks-

Mrs. Garrison: H'okay children, today we will discuss the most important history subject of all times.

-Classroom rolls eyes, the girls playing with their hair and the boys gnawing on their pencils silently-

Mrs. Garrison: Today, we're going to learn a little bit about the Holocaust!

Stan: -Raises hand-

Mrs. Garrison: Yes, Stanley?

Stan: Well, you do know that Kyle is jewish, right? -Looks at Kyle in concern-

Kyle: -Looks down in silent-

Cartman: Pfft -Waves hand- Don't worry about him, Stan, he can handle the ultimate truth about his faith.

Kyle: What the hell does that mean, Cartman -Glares at Cartman-

Cartman: That you jews suck.

Kyle: CARTMAN!

Mrs. Garrison: Shut up, you two! I want atleast four groups of people for a project based on the Holocaust, so if you guys will--

-Classroom starts to abruptly get up and run around, tying themselves up with their best friends. The four boys placed their chairs together, insisted that they will all work together, as always-

Mrs. Garrison: -Looks at all of them in surprise-

-Classroom stares at him back, waiting and blinking-

Mrs. Garrison: ... Right. So, for this project, I want all of you to do a little "show" about how the Jewish were tortured. For example, the oven method.

Cartman: Heh heh. Kickass.

Kyle: -Glares at him before kicking Cartman's shin with his foot-

Cartman: OW, GODAMMIT!

Mrs. Garrison: So I'm talking about costumes, music, creativity, teamwork... This is a very important grade, children, so I want to see just how much potentional you have in passing my class and the fourth grade.

-Bell rings and the classroom gets up and walks out, the room flowing with conversations and giggles-

Mrs. Garisson: And remember... It'll be due by next week!

Kyle: -Walking next to Stan- Jesus!

-Scene cuts to Kyle's house after school. Then it cuts to Kyle's room, where the boys hang around thinking ideas for their project.-

Kyle: -Walking around- I wonder what torture method we can present by next week...

Cartman: How about where they dress them up as girls and they dance around with their fake titties flying around. -Flips a page from a magazine-

Stan: Too perverted. It wasen't even used at the time, fatass. -Smiles as Cartman screams "AY!". Looks at Kyle who is glaring hard at Cartman- Dude, don't let him get to you, Kyle. This is just a project.

Kyle: I know. -Stubbornly crosses arms and turns around.-

Kenny: (We can't use the oven method, Mrs. Garrison already demonstrated that so I can imagine the whole class doing the same method.)

Stan: Kenny's right, we need something unique.

Kyle: -Turns around- How about... the gas shower method?

Stan: Great idea! But where are we gonna get gas?

Kenny: (How about your nephew, Jimbo?)

Stan: Jimbo has gas?

Kyle: Your nephew has a case of retardation. -Rolls eyes-

Stan: Hey!

Cartman: Come oooooon -Whines- We can use myyyyyy idea!

Kyle: Shut up, fatso!

Cartman: AY! DON'T CALL ME FAT, BUTT FUCKER!

Kyle: THEN DON'T BELITTLE MY PEOPLE, YOU FUCKING FATASS!

Cartman: GAH DAMMIT DON'T CALL ME FAT, YOU BUTT FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!

Stan: YOU GUYS! -Cartman and Kyle jumps in shock and stares at him. Stan pinches the bridge of his nose in furstration- Sorry, but this project is getting on my nerves, and you two are just making it worse.

Kenny: (I agree!)

Kyle: Sorry. I'm just pissed because Porky here is the last resort for any idea!

Cartman: Dammit, Kyle!

Stan: You know what? I've had it. -Walks up to the door to leave.-

Kyle: -Takes a few steps to Stan- Where you going?

Stan: -Putting on his coat- Taking a walk.

Cartman: Way to go jew, now you made Stan pissed! -Stands up with arms crossed-

Kenny: -Rolls eyes- (Oh boy.)

Kyle: -Turns around and grits his teeth, points his finger at Cartman's nose- YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!

Cartman: MAKE ME, JEW!

-Kyle jumps after Cartman's throat and they both fight on the ground. Kenny, laying on Kyle's bed, rolls his eyes and shakes his head.-

-Scene cuts to Shelia Broflovski's kitchen, where she is cutting up vegetables for dinner. Gerald is sitting on the kitchen table reading the papers.-

Shelia: Gerald, I'm worried.

Gerald: What is it this time, Shelia. -Flips a page-

Shelia: Kyle told me he and his little friends are doing a project about the Holocaust!

Gerald: -Not seeming to listen or care- Oh, uh, that sounds nice, hmm...

Shelia: -Turns around- Gerald!

Gerald: -Looks up from the papers- What?

Shelia: -Obviously angry- Gerald, this is important, our roots came from our Jewish ancestors who suffered from the Holocaust! We should atleast give Kyle and Ike... well, maybe not Ike, but to Kyle especially, we should teach him a little bit about our roots!

Gerald: Honey, our son knows so much of his roots it's almost ridiculous, why are you so upset about it now? Because of a silly school project?

Shelia: It's not that at all, Gerald-- -Jumps slightly after seeing Kyle standing in the room- Oh, good evening, Bubbe!

Kyle: Hi mom. -Sits on the chair next to Gerald- What's for dinner?

Sheila: -Ignoring his last question- Kyle... how do you feel about the school project?

Kyle: It sucks! -Puts both clenched fists on his sides-

Shelia: You see, Gerald?

Gerald: Why does it "suck", Kyle?

Kyle: That fatass Cartman just won't stop bugging me about my Jewish faith.

Shelia: WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE, YOUNG MAN!

Kyle: -Cowarding at her loud voice- Sorry.

Gerald: Wait a minute, is this the Eric Cartman whose mother is an intersexed prostitute?

Shelia: Gerald!

Gerald: What, it's true!

Sheila: Tell me something, Kyle -Now sitting next to her son- Is this Eric friend of your's... a neo-nazi?

Kyle: Well -Puts hands on his chin, as if pondering- when you mention that word, he does seem a bit--

Sheila: -Points finger up in the air, as dramatic music fades in the background- AH-HAH! I knew it, I knew it! Well, that Eric Cartman's mother is gonna get it from me this time, because Kyle, you are NOT allowed to see that skinhead Eric anymore!

Kyle: -Looks at his mother in utter disbelief- ... Really?

Sheila: Yes, I'm serious! I'm going to call his mother right now and vent! -Walks up and hurries out of the kitchen-

-The kitchen is quiet, with Gerald and Kyle staring in disbelief at the door, and the dramatic music comes to an end.-

Kyle: ... -Jumping up on his chair with a smile- Woo-hoo!

-Scene cuts to Cartman's house. Then it cuts to Liane's kitchen where she is preparing dinner. The telephone rings.-

Liane: -Picks up the phone- Hello?

-Scene is devided in half and Sheila appears on the other half.-

Sheila: Hello, is this Liane Cartman? I'm here to discuss some serious issues concerning about your son.

Liane: Ooh, you mean my sweet little poppykins?

Sheila: -Rolls her eyes- Yes, him. I don't want to see, nor hear from your son anymore, espcially not hanging out with my son Kyle!

Liane: Oh my, but why?

Shelia: Let me put it this more simple so that someone like you can grasp-- Close your legs for once and ban your son from ever seeing my son ever again! -hangs up-

-The scene is un-deviding and Liane just stands there, staring into nothing in shock.-

-Scene cuts to Cartman on the couch watching TV-

Cartman: Maaaaam, can I have some more cheesy poofs?

Liane: -Walks into the living room in a zombie-like state-

Cartman: Mam, can I PLEASE have some more cheesy poofs?

Liane: -Takes the controller from Cartman's grasp and turns off the TV-

Cartman: AY! I WAS WATCHING THAT!

Liane: -Bending down to Cartman's eye level- Poopykins, mommy had a call from Kyle's mother, and well -sighs, sad music playing in the background- I'm afraid you can't hang out with Kyle anymore, as impossible that may seem, seeing as how you two have to still work for that project, OH that mother of his is so...so...

Cartman: -Blinks- Bitchy?

Liane: Yes! Bitchy, right! So... I'm afraid you can't see Kyle anymore... I'm sorry, sweetie.

Cartman: -Looks at her with his mouth slightly open- ...

Liane: Eric, sweetie, are you alright? -Puts her arms around him-

Cartman: Um... Mam?

Liane: -Her eyes tightly shut- Yes, Eric?

Cartman: Can I please have some more cheesy poofs?

Liane: -Pulls away- Oh, but sweetie, dinner is almost ready!

Cartman: But maaaaaam -starts his famous manipulating whinning- I waaaaaant some mooooore cheesy poooooofs!

Liane: -Looks down- Well...

Cartman: Pleeeeeeeeease? Whose got the bestest mommy in the whole neighborhood?

Liane: You do, sweetie. Alright, I'll go get those cheesy poofs. Be right back. -Gets up and walks off-

Cartman: -Smiles after her and sighs happily- No more Kyle...-Then yawns and stretches, placing hands behind his head in a relaxed-fashion.- Kickass.

-Scene cuts to Stan's room. It's almost dinner time. Stan is on the desk writing on a piece of paper.-

Stan: Okay, we could use the rape method, but we don't have any girls... unless we... dress the fatass as a girl. -Stan snickers evilly before writing the idea down.-

-Scene cuts to Stan's living room. Randy is reading the papers and the telephone rings. Randy looks up from his papers and picks up.-

Randy: Hello? -Pulls the phone from his ear painfully as he hears obnoxious screaming from the other line- ... STAN! I THINK THIS IS FOR YOU!

-Scene cuts to the stairs and Stan walks down. Shelley walks up the stairs and pushes him, muttering, "Move it, turd!"-

Stan: -Glares at his sister before carrying on to the living room and accepts the phone- Hello?

-Scene cuts to Kyle's room with Kyle screaming into the phone-

Kyle: DUDE, GUESS WHAT?

Stan: Dude, stop screaming into my ear. What the hell is wrong?

Kyle: Nothing's wrong! Guess what? My mom forbids me to ever see that fatass Cartman anymore! I'm finally free!

Stan: ... Dude, you need Cartman for the school project. We need him, all three of us. If your mother forbids you to see him, we're gonna fail.

Kyle: -Stops jumping- ... What?

Stan: Mrs. Garisson clearly told us that this is an important grade, and without Cartman because of your mom, we will all fail as a group.

Kyle: ... Oh jesus -Hangs up- MOM!

Stan: -Puts down phone and shakes his head-

-Scene cuts back to Kyle, he is running into kitchen. Sheila is there washing the dishes-

Kyle: Mom, mom!

Sheila: What is it, bubbe?

Kyle: I need Cartman back into my life again!

Sheila: -Drops a plate and it shatters on the floor while her hands are flying all over the place in a freaked-out manner- What what what!

**-Commercial break.-**

-Scene fades back to Elementary school as the bells ring. It is the next morning. Scene cuts to the classmates as they all chat with their friends. Kyle sits next to Stan as they talk.-

Kyle: Dude, where the hell is Cartman?

Stan: -Shrugs- I dunno, dude.

Kyle: -Places hand on forehead and closes eyes, as if desperate- Oh man, we need him back. I need him back, or we're fucked.

Stan: -Leans in to place a reassuring hand on Kyle's shoulder.-

-Scene cuts to Cartman's house in the living room. It's now night time. Cartman is sitting on the couch eating.-

Terrance (on TV): Hey Phillip, can you check to see if I still have the wallet in my pants?

Phillip (on TV): -Reaches in, but shuts his eyes as Terrances farts into his face.-

T+P: AHHHHHAHAHAHAHA!

Cartman: -Laughs hysterically-

Mr. Kitty: -Comes in and meows at Cartman, obviously wanting food.-

Cartman: No, kitty, this MY chicken pot pie!

Mr. Kitty: Meow...

Cartman: No! That's a bad kitty! Bad kitty!

Mr Kitty: -Hisses-

Cartman: MAAAAM!

Liane: -Comes in- What is it, sweetie?

Cartman: Mr. Kitty is being a dick! And why the hell am I in here instead of school, although I'm not complaing, meh'yah...

Liane: I just... I just don't want you to see Kyle today.

Cartman: Is there ever a time when I want to actually see the jew?

Liane: -Smiles- Well, no... Well, anyways, I'll be fixing dinner. Come on, Mr. Kitty, Mommy will give you tuna, if you know what I mean. -Walks away.-

Cartman: -Smiles into the TV for a while, before he frowns and suddenly gets the irony at what his mother says- AY!

-Telephone rings.-

Cartman: -Muching on the pot pie- MAAAAM, THE PHONE IS RINGING, PICK IT UP!

-Silence-

Cartman: -Turns head at the door- MAM? MAAAAM!

-Silence once more-

Cartman: AGH! -Puts away pot pie on the side and picks up the phone- Hello?!

-Scene cuts to Kyle's dark room, and Kyle is sitting on his desk where only his lamp lights up the room dimly-

Kyle: Cartman? -Looking a bit tired-

Cartman: Jew?

Kyle: -His tired expression flashes to angry mode, but decides against it- Um... how are you?

Cartman: -Mouth opens a little in confusion- ... Fine?

Kyle: -Smiles tiredly- That's good to hear.

-Both parties stays silent for five seconds, them blinking and looking around the room uncomfortably.-

Kyle+Cartman: WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!!

Cartman: Me? It's not my fault your mom's a bitch!

Kyle: Well, it ain't my fault your mom has to listen to every goddamn thing people tells her to do. Like you!

Cartman: AY! My mom is not a people carpet!

Kyle: Yes she is, fatass! Now listen to me, we HAVE GOT TO SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN!

Cartman: Don't be such a fag, why do you need me for?

Kyle: For the goddamn project, jackass!

Cartman: ... The... project?

Kyle: The holocaust project, you fat shit!

Cartman: Hm, let's see, you just dissed my mom -his fingers starts counting down- you called me a jackass and now a fat shit. And we all know that I'm not fat, just big-boned. So... no. I'll just let you all fail and I'll enjoy every waking moment of your boyfriend Stan tearing you apart and Kenny laughing from behind.

Kyle: Dammit, Cartman! Stan is NOT my fucking boyfriend!

Cartman: -Smirks- Yeah yeah, tell that to my not so fat ass. Peace. -Hangs up, and places hands behind his head and continues watching television.-

Kyle: -Looks at the phone in a shocked expression before his expression flashes to a pissed off look and slamming the phone down- ARGH! -Pulls at his jewfro-

-Scene cuts to a cemetary, and the clock strikes midnight, ringing gloomly across the place. The camera pans to the left before stopping at a particular tombstone, and camera zooms in. The tombstone reads: "Adolf Hitler. 1889-1945. A twisted jackass in the making... was, anyways.". The camera slowly zooms out, and suddenly a deceased-looking hand shots out of the ground, dramatic music playing in the background, and the hand clenches an angry fist. Soon, a hundred more fists pops out of their graves, and pulled their bodies out. They were wearing black suits with a swatsika arm band. They all had guns, and soon, a particular body arose, spreading it's arms, and the zombie-troops uproars a battle cry.-

-Scene cuts back to school. The classroom were quietly taking a surprise pop quiz, and Mrs. Garisson is reading a porno mag secretly behind her history text book. A loud nosie is heard from outside.-

Mrs. Garisson: What the hell..? -Looks at the window, and the nazi zombie troops are walking towards the school grounds... quite slowly- HOLY CRAP!

Children: -Looks at the window in fear and shock, and they soon get up and starts screaming/running around, papers flying everywhere- AHHHHHHHHHHH!

Cartman: -The only kid sitting on his desk still- ... SWEET! THE NAZIS ARE REBORN! I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME!

Kyle: -Comes up to him- Cartman, that's A SICK THING TO SAY!

Cartman: -Stubbornly crosses arms over chest and looks away, ignoring him- I'm not allowed to speak with you, Kyle.

Kyle: Dammit, Cartman! Why can't you just ignore that stupid sht about our moms and let's get the hell outta here!

-Classroom runs out of the class and soon out of the school building screaming.-

-Stan, Kenny, Cartman and Kyle all ran to Kyle's house. They ran in, and Sheila stands there in shock.-

Sheila: Bubbe, what are you doing here so early from-- -Notices Cartman- WHAT WHAT WHAT!

Cartman: -Sighs bitterly- Goddamit...

Sheila: -Shakes finger at Kyle's face and speaks in that holier-than-thou voice- Kyle, I thought I told you--

Kyle: Mom, forget about that now! The nazis are coming!

Sheila: -Her mouth hangs open and her eyes widen the size of planets- WHAT WHAT WHAT! KYLE!

Stan: Yeah, we don't know what happen, or where the hell they came from, but they're coming! Who knows, maybe Hitler is with them!

Sheila: GERALD! GERALD! -Runs to the kitchen, and the children looks at one another and shrugs, and decides to follow her.-

-Scene cuts immediatley to the kitchen, where Gerald is reading the papers again.-

Sheila: GERALD!

Gerald: -Jumps and the papers fly everywhere- WHAT, WHAT?!

Sheila: Gerald, I dont know what is going on, but the nazis are coming!

Gerald: What? -Cocks an eyebrow- What idiot told you that? The nazis were gone years ago!

Children: -Coming in- Us.

Gerald: -Stares at them in confusion- ... What? Okay. -with a serious voice, dramatic music starts playing- just what in the HELL is goin' on here?!

Kyle: I don't know, but we were sitting on our classroom--

Kenny: (Doing our pop quizzes that asshole teacher Garrisson made us do, and the next thing we knew--)

Stan: We saw zombies dressed up as the Nazi party coming towards our school by the windows!

Cartman: YEAH! AND HITLER IS COMING! KICKASS!

Sheila: -Glares at Cartman with gritted teeth and growls dangerously at him-

Kyle: -Glares at the smiling Cartman before smacking behind his head- SHUT UP, CARTMAN! We have to do something about this!

Sheila: I'll say! Get out of my house! -Points a finger at Cartman's surprised/scared face-

Kyle: No no! -Stands infront of Cartman with arms outstretched, as if protecting him- Mom, not him, about the nazis! We have to do something about them!

Sheila: -Looks at Gerald as he stares back-

-Scene cuts back to the town. The sky is red for dramatic effect. Hitler and his troops marches on, doing the infamous straight arm salute and yelling out things in German. The people of South Park stares at them and looks at each other, shrugging, whispering, blinking, and some even laughing and clapping as if it's a parade.-

Some guy: Hey, I know you! -Comes up to Hitler and pointing to him.- You're Donald Trump! Oh my god, this is unbelieveable!

Hitler: ... -Groans-

Some girl: -Walking towards Hitler- Yes, we can tell by that REALLY lame comb-over hairstyle of your's!

Some other guy: Horray, Donald Trump is in South Park!

Townspeople: Hoorah!

Nazi troops: -Looking at each other-

-Scene cuts back to Cartman's house. Then it cuts to Liane's bedroom, where she is laying in bed next to some guy. Her telphone rings and she picks up.-

Liane: -Trying to smooth down her sex hair- Hello?

-Scene is cut back to Sheila's kitchen-

Sheila: Liane, your son is in my house!

Liane: Poppykins? Well I haven't heard of an early dismissal at the children's school... what is going on?

Sheila: Apparently, Hitler and his fucking nazi troops have come back to life and out to destroy us all, just like the Holocaust!

Liane: Oh my!

Sheila: But that still doesn't take away from the attention from the real problem!

Liane: What's that?

Sheila: GET YOUR SON OUT OF MY SON'S LIFE!

-Scene is cut to the military base. Inside the general is keeping track of his workers up until a man holding a clipboard rushes in panic.-

General: What is it, Fred? -Blinks and looks up at him and down.-

Fred: -Out of breath- Sir... -coughs-

General: Stay calm and try to refrain... -Fred tries to keep his breathing back to normal rythim- Yes, that's right, keep calm... -Touches Fred's shoulders and rubs them-

Fred: -Stops breathing and cocks a questioning eyebrow at the General's hands on his shoulders, then looks at him- ...?!

General: ... -Blinks- What?

Fred: -Rolls his shoulders away- There's a problem in some hick town called... -Looks at his clipboard- South Park, Colorado.

General: What's wrong? -Checks under his nails-

Fred: -Frowns at his feminine behavior- It seems that Hitler and his troops have come back to life mysteriously and they are out running around town. Probally... -Takes in a deep breath- sucking out children's souls and... devouring brains from people... Ohhh! -Shudders at the horrible thought-

General: -Looks at the camera seriously- I knew it. I knew this day would come.

-Workers stopped working at stares at the general curiously, some of them looking a bit afraid. Dramatic music plays.-

Fred: ... Sir?

General: I knew this would come. -Puts hands behind his back and starts pondering around- Those digusting sluts, thinking they own the world with their softcore action in their stupid magazines. I was grateful that Anna Nicole Smith was dead, but I guess it just wasen't enough!

-Workers look at each other and shrugs-

General: It's only a matter of time before they take over the world with their pootangs.

Fred: What?! -His expression flashes bewilderness- Their... WHAT?!

General: -Turns to Fred- Their vaginas, Fred. Ever wondered why they refer to their clitorist a "button"? It's because they have devices up in their vaginas, and I guess today's the day where they decided to push... that... button!

Fred: ... Are you gay?!

General: -Puts hand infront of Fred's face- That was only last night, Fred, casual sex doesn't usually have emotional attatchments left behind.

-Workers starts to laugh hysterically. Fred blushes all the way to the strands of his hair and hides his face with his clipboard.-

General: ENOUGH! -Workers stops- We have to stop them once and for all. Fred! Get me the phone. -Camera zooms into the General's serious expression.- I have to call the Playboy Mansion.

-The workers looked at each other with huge smiles on their faces.-

Narrator: Will Fred ever keep his secret gay mouth shut? -Fred glares at the camera and yells "Hey!"- Will Liane and Sheila ever become friends again? -Camera shows them looking upset in their own houses.- Will Cartman and Kyle reunite and finish their school projects in time? -Camera shows Kyle and Cartman looking at each other in worry.- Find out next time on South Park: "Hitler, Where Art Thou, part two"!

-Scene fades in Kyle's house, in Sheila's kitchen. Sheila, Gerald, and the four boys are there arguing.-

Stan: We have to stop them, or they'll eat our ass!

Gerald: Now, boys, I know it seems a bit... crazy, -Blinks at Sheila- that a bunch of nazi zombies would come back to life, but... I don't know, it all seems so--

Cartman: I knew you'd say that. -Dramatic music plays- Gentlemen, we are in a situation where we are bound to use every ounce of strenght and dignity to fight off something even bigger than all of us.

Kyle: -Mouth opens a little- ... What's that?

Cartman: -Turns to Kyle with a serious expression+voice- The truth.

-Everyone looks at one another. Cartman stood looking at all of them before clearing his voice.-

Cartman: We have to get over ourselves about the whole Jew thing, and how Jews are all glorified by the media just because of one historic event.

Sheila: -Angry as hell- Excuse me, young man, but the Holocaust is something that not everyone can forget that easily. W-Why-- -Looks around frantically- It was a terrible time!

Cartman: -Turns to her with a frown- Mrs. Brovloski, I know it's a terrible time, but who are we to take that horrible time as a back up theory that because of it, you guys can go ahead and rule the world? Look at all the celebrities who are jewish! What about the rest of us? You don't go and take a terrible time and use it as honor to get things in your life. Because as far as I'm concerned, you weren't exactly there when Hitler was alive and well.

-The Brovloskis stare at Cartman in shock.-

Kyle: ... Cartman...

Stan: He's... -Hesistates- ... right, you guys.

Kenny: (Mhm!)

Sheila: -Growls silently before turning around and walks out of the kitchen-

Gerald: Sheila?

Sheila: Oh yes, yes, the JEWS are all at fault!

Cartman: -Glares at her back- That's NOT what I meant!

Sheila: -Turns around to glare at Cartman- Get out of my house, or I swear I'll call the police!

Kyle: Dude!

Cartman: Now now, Mrs. Brovloski-- -Takes a couple of steps before jumping back in surprise as Sheila yells at him.-

Sheila: STAND BACK!

Kyle: Mom! -Walks next to Cartman angrily-

Sheila: -Points at her son- Kyle, I DEMAND you to step away from that skinhead!

Gerald: -Coming into the living room with Stan and Kenny behind- Sheila, you're overreacting--

Sheila: I AM NOT! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! -Points at Cartman now-

Cartman: Suck my balls, bitch! -Walks angrily past her and stomps up to the frontdoor, walking out and slamming the door behind him-

-Scene cuts to outside where Cartman is climbing down the front stairs. As he reaches the bottom, the front door opens and the three boys stand there.-

Stan: Cartman!

Kyle: Where are you going, dude?

Cartman: -Turns around to face them, but looks a bit shocked when Cartman catches the sight of an angry Sheila at the windows. He stares at her for a while before looking up at the confused boys.- ... -Looks serious again- Goodbye, Kyle.

Kyle: -Looks a bit taken back- ... What?

Stan: Cartman, what are you doing?! -Looks demanding all of a sudden-

Cartman: I have to do something, but it can cost my life. If I don't make it back... -looks down- Tell my mother...

Kenny: (Yeah?)

Cartman: To... quit being such a slut. -Turns around and starts walking-

-The boys stood there, helplessly as they watch their overweight friend walking away. Suddenly Kyle runs down the stairs after him.-

Stan: -Snaps back into reality- Kyle!

Sheila: -Walking out- Bubbe! BUBBE!

Gerald: -Walking out now- KYLE! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!

Kyle: -While running- CARTMAN!

Cartman: -On the sidewalk when he turns around and sees Kyle running up to him- Jew?

Kyle: -Panting after he reaches him- ... I'll go with you.

Cartman: -Looks confused-

Kyle: -Stands up straighter- If the Holocaust won't give me the honor or pride to be a Jew... -steps closer to Cartman with a smile- Then maybe saving the town can.

Cartman: ... [Smirks You're such a fag, Kyle.

Kyle: Right back at you, fatass.

-Both boys nod to each other before running away to the center of town.-

-Scene cuts to The Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles, California. Scene then cuts to the pool room where Playboy founder Hugh Hefner is playing a pool game with some famous people. An attractive, blonde playboy model comes in with a silver tray and a telephone on top, ringing. Hugh kisses the model on the cheek before picking up the phone.-

Hugh: Hello?

-Scene cuts to the Military Base, where the General is answering his phone.-

General: Yes, is this the founder of your dirty little sluts, Playboy?

Hugh: -Chuckles- Why, yes I am. I am Hugh--

General: Yeah yeah yeah, we don't care. Listen -looking serious now- we're onto to your little sluts. Dressing up as widdle bunnies... I mean, who the fuck wants to see that? What, you think you can turn innocent men into beastiality porn lovers? Huh?! ANSWER ME!

Hugh: Who is this?!

General: I am the General of the US Military Base. I assure you, you and your skanks are gonna get it this time!

Hugh: -Looks surprised-

-Scene cuts back to South Park where Cartman and Kyle walks through. They halt as they found zombie Hilter and his troops walking into town. The boys stare at the scene in shock as countless people are on the floor bleeding from their heads.-

Cartman: Jesus Christ! -Covers mouth with hand to control vomitting-

Kyle: -Does the same, expet with the collar of his jacket- Dude, it reeks!

Cartman: -Looks at him and says something, but it is muffled by his hand-

Kyle: -Cocks an eyebrow- What?

Cartman: -Repeats, still muffled-

Kyle: ... What?

Cartman: -Rolls eyes with a sigh, then repeats-

Kyle: -Glares at him before smacking Cartman's hand out of his mouth- WHAT?!

Cartman: I SAID, YES IT STINKS LIKE ASS!

Kyle: -Stares at him in disbelief- Dude, I thought you were gonna tell me something important!

Cartman: -Raises an eyebrow- Like?

Kyle: GRRR! -Clenches fists on sides-

-The nazi troops spotted the boys and cries out, walking towards them. The boys look up in fear.-

Kyle: AHH! -Steps back-

Cartman: -Frowns before stepping in front of Kyle and held up both of his hands- STOP!

Nazi troops: -Stops, looking at each other and blinks- Mrrrph?

Cartman: -Sigh- Look, can you tell us why you decided to come back to life?

Nazi troops: -Looks at the boys then at Hitler. Hitler looks back at them in surprise before looking down at the boys.-

Hitler: Mrrrph mrrrph MRRRPH!

Cartman: -Nods- Uh huh, go on.

Kyle: -Glares at the back of Cartman's head- Cartman! What the fuck are they saying?!

Cartman: -Whispers- Shut up, Kyle!

Kyle: -Looks a bit dumb strucked before looking up-

Hitler: -Continues on his groaning and grumbling his reasons, Cartman nodding his head as if he was following him.-

Cartman: ... I see. Well, if you want to find a tasty jew to eat off it's brain... -Steps to the right and then pushes Kyle foward- Here's one.

Kyle: -Looks shocked at Cartman before throwing a death glare at him- CARTMAN!

Nazi troops: GRAAAAWWWWRRRR!

Kyle: AHHHH! -Runs away-

Cartman: -Smirks, looking up at the nazi troops- If you go back to where you come from, I assure you the jew will immediatley run into you.

Nazi troops: -Blinks at Cartman- ...

Cartman: -Looks at them with an open mouth- ... -Starts to laugh nervously and scratches the back of his head- Jews always run in circles back to their enemies. They're assholes that way.

Nazi troops: -Looks at each other-

Hitler: -Stares at Cartman- ...

Cartman: -Looks back at him with a huge smile, hearts forming around him- Hitler...

Hitler: -Looks taken back before stepping back-

Cartman: -Frowns- SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR! GO GO GO! THE JEW IS PRACTICALLY HEADING YOUR WAY AS WE SPEAK!

Nazi troops: -Does the battle cry before turning around and heads back, out of the town.-

Cartman: AND AND, DON'T TURN BACK, JUST KEEP GOING BACK TO THE CEMETARY WHERE YOU CAME FROM, YOU'LL FIND HIM THERE!

-Scene cuts to some other part of town of South Park where Stan and Kenny walks by to find Cartman and Kyle. They were surprised to see Kyle running+screaming towards them.-

Stan: Kyle, Kyle! -Runs to him and holds him- What's the matter?!

Kenny: (Are you okay?!)

Kyle: -Starts panting- Y-yeah, but I think they got the fatass.

-Stan and Kenny looks at each other.-

Stan: So? -Kyle looks at him in both shock and anger-

-The boys look up to see the nazi troops and they all start to scream.-

Nazi troop #1: -Looks at Kenny then at the rest of the troops and starts to talk, the translation appearing at the bottom of the screen- (Shall we eat him?)

Nazi troop #2: -Next to Hitler- (Sir?)

Hitler: -Looks at Kenny, starts drooling at the edge of his mouth-

Kenny: -Looks shocked- Mff?!?

-Stan and Kyle looks at each other with a raised eyebrow-

Hitler: -Shakes his head before pointing his finger in the air- (We eat the boy in the weird orange coat!)

-One of the nazi's swipes up Kenny as he screams, and the nazi bites his head off, blood splashing everywhere-

Stan: Oh my god, they killed Kenny!

Kyle: You bastards!

-The nazi troops does their battle cry once more, and the boys start to hug each other and start screaming in fear. Suddenly, a voice is heard, "Hey you little pussies! OVER HERE!" And the nazi troops turned around to see Cartman with his evil little smirk and a bunch of firemen behind him.-

Kyle: -Looks up and smiles- It's Cartman!

Stan: Dude! -Smiles as well-

Cartman: Prepare to go back to your own graves where you hippies belong, motherfuckers! -Starts to speak in a low voice- Except you, Hitler, you're cool to me always.

Kyle: -From way back of the nazi troops- I heard that, Cartman!

Cartman: SHUT UP, JEW! Now, prepare to die!

-The firemen turn on their giant hoses from their fire trucks and blasts off water towards the nazi troops, resulting in blasting off Stan and Kyle as well.-

Stan+Kyle: -Screams as they are practically flying through the air very high-

Sheila: -Coming into the scene- OH MY, MY BABY!

Gerald: Somebody, save them!

-A car honk is heard and everyone turns to see a pink limo pulling up. A big chested brunette Playboy woman steps up and poses-

Model: I'll save them! -Jumps into the air in great lenghts and catches the boys, landing safely to the ground-

-The remaining towns people gather to cheer, Kyle's and Stan's parents running up to the model.-

Sheila: Oh bubbe, I'm glad you're saved! -Wipes away a tear with a napkin-

Gerald: And all thanks to... err, what's your name? -Blinks at the model-

Model: Laura. -Bats eyelashes-

-The men in the audience cooes in interest. Their wives glare at them before smacking the side of their heads, especially Sheila to Gerald-

Model: Well, you two better get along now, eh boys? -Smiles at Stan, and giggles after Stan throws up-

Kyle: Hey, where's fatass? -Looks around-

Stan: -Shrugs- Maybe he went home?

Kyle: -Looks at Stan in a worried fashion-

-It is night now. Scene cuts to the front of Cartman's house. Cartman is in his room looking boredly out the window.-

Liane: -Popping her head through Cartman's door- Poopykins, time for bed!

Cartman: Kay, mom. -Hops down to turn off the lights and tucks himself into bed, closing his eyes. A few seconds past before he hears something hitting lightly against his window, and he opens one eye, then both and blinks. He gets up and looks outside. Scene cuts to the sidewalk of Cartman's house, where Kyle is there smiling up at him. Cartman smiles before opening the windows.-

Cartman: Hey Kyle, what are you doing up so late?

Kyle: I just... -smiles and scratches the back of his head, music playing in the background- Wanted to... thank you for saving us all. That was really... awesome of you to do.

Cartman: -blinks- Really?

Kyle: -Nods- Yep. Well, I'll see you tommorow at school, fatass. And after school, we're gonna have to come by to my house; Me and Stan finally made our decisions for the project on Monday.

Cartman: What's that?

Kyle: -Could only smirk evilly-

Cartman: -Looks a bit scared-

-Scene cuts to the school a few days later. Then it cuts to the front of the classroom, where Mrs. Garisson dismisses a group of kids.-

Mrs. Garisson: Thank you Clyde, Token, Tweek and Bebe, nice work. Up next is... Kyle, Cartman, and Stan since Kenny died.

-Kyle and Stan steps up to the front of the class, Stan dressing up as a nazi troop and Kyle holding up a piece of paper, and turns on his small radio, and he turns it on and sad music starts-

Kyle: For our project, we're gonna do the worst method ever used in the Holocaust-- Dressing boys up as girls!

-Classroom gasps-

Clyde: Wait, where's Cartman?

Stan: Oh, he's coming. Cartman?

Cartman: -Comes into the classroom dressing head to toe as a girl. He is wearing a blonde curly wig, heavy makeup, a raggy dress and The Star of David necklace.-

-Mrs. Garisson and the classroom starts to laugh-

Stan: The worst part about this is how the nazis "had their way with them". Kyle, can you give us all a demonstration?

Kyle: Yes, Stan-- -Takes out a whip and smiles evilly and Cartman stares at him in utter shock- I think I can.

Cartman: -Stares at them and the classroom in desbelief. After a few seconds, he sighs and glares hard at the floor and speaks in a low voice- I hate you guys.

**END.**


End file.
